BDSM is a preference and sometimes form of personal relationship centering around activities that are erotic but may not be sexual, and which may include the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and
fantasy power role play. Practitioners of BDSM vary hugely in their perception of what activities are integral to BDSM, and some borderline activities (light bondage, hot wax, blindfolds) may be practised by people
identifying as "vanilla" (i.e., not into BDSM) – so inclusion in the community is usually dependent on self-proclaimed identification with the community. Although there are many people who identify as being into BDSM who don't share the experience with anyone besides play- or sexual partners,
"BDSM" is also used to denote a subculture of people interested in BDSM who may socialize together,educate each other, and throw "play parties" at which BDSM activities are welcome. Local public BDSM communities often have strong ties with distant BDSM communities, with popular educators traveling widely; large events attracting attendees from wide areas (and occasionally internationally); popular speakers, authors, or players gaining relative celebratory status; and websites attracting over a million members.
The term BDSM was coined as a condensed acronym in the 1990s to combine communities and practices that had a significant amount of crossover – bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM is currently frequently used as a catch-all phrase to includes a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures which may or may not fit well into the original three intended categories. With an ethos of "your kink is OK!" many BDSM communities welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include furries, cross-dressers, extreme body mod enthusiasts, animal players, latex or rubber aficionados, and others.Although it's increasingly common for couples – particularly younger couples – to have "power neutral" relationships and/or play styles, activities and relationships within a BDSM context are often characterized by the participants' taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically participants who are active – applying the activity – are known as tops, those who exercise control over others are commonly known as dominants, and those who inflict pain are known as sadists. These are often the same person, and the terms are sometimes used interchangeably. Similarly, those participants who are recipients of the activities are typically known as bottoms, those who are controlled by their partners as submissives, and those who receive pain as masochists; again, these are frequently the same person and the terms are sometimes used interchangeably. Individuals who alternate between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship – are known as switches.
Dominance and submission (also called D&s, Ds, and D/s) is a set of behaviours, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle.
Physical contact is not a necessity, and it can even be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email or other messaging systems. In other cases, it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated.
Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives or subs (male or female). A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. "Dominatrix" is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay.
Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected with these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.
A safe word is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safe word is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing 'mind-games' because the submissive may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safe word called, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner.
Negotiating limits in advance is also an important element in a D/s relationship.It is important to note that for a safe, sane and consensual environment to be maintained, all participants should have a safe word of which the other is aware; this includes the Dominant partner. While it may not seem so from the outside, Dominants will also have limits and boundaries of their own, and should not only have a safe word, but be comfortable calling it if their own limits are exceeded. This includes cases where the dominant may feel things have gone too far, and are uncomfortable continuing. As with a safe word call from any other, it should herald the stopping all play and a recuperative discussion between the participants.D/s may be ritualized or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits and needs in order to find commonality. A D/s relationship may be sexual or non-sexual, long or short term, and intimate or anonymous. Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible.
D/s participants often refer to their activity as play, with an individual play session called a scene. In addition to dominant and submissive, a switch is a person who can take either role. A scene between two switches can involve trading off the dominant or submissive roles, possibly several times.
The term vanilla refers to normative ("non-kinky") sex and relationships, the vanilla world being mainstream society outside of the BDSM subculture. The term comes from vanilla ice cream being considered the "default" flavour and uninteresting.
